It's A Wonderful Life

I can't say whether I've been sad or happy lately, just mainly stressed, you know, bills, taxes, health insurance, educational goals; adult responsibilites that I've never really had to deal with before. However, now that school is almost over and the weather is getting nicer I'm starting to feel high spirited and excited that I can focus on my self for about 4 whole months. I plan to spend a lot of my time outside this summer, I don't want to spend another summer in my house just doing nothing. I plan to be active and focus on getting in shape, changing my lifestyle. I've set certain goals for myself and I pretty much have my life planned out for the next 3 years. For the first time, in a very long time, I feel content and prepared, it's an unfamiliar feeling to me, and I'm some what struck, as in, I don't know what to do with myself because I'm not panicking about something. I feel calm and focused and motivated, I hope this feeling stays with me, because I generally feel good about myself and the way things are going right now.

 

There was so much bull shit in my life for the past 4 years or so, and it's amazing to me, how much of that bull shit had to do with high school. I feel like I'm using my 'get out of jail free card' right now. I don't have to worry about school, and I mean bull shit school, not real school. College agrees with me, its more of a business oriented thing, you do it for yourself, not because you're being forced. You go to class for an hour, maybe 3 times a week, you do whatever little homework you get, you study for your exam and that's it, no student-teacher relationship, no nothing, just business. I go to work, I do my job, and then the rest is left to me. No other real responsibility, no real career that I have to deal with. I feel like these years are the freeist years of my life, and when they are over, that's when I go back to jail, go back to responsibility, a job, possibly a family and worry and panic and all of those stressful things. But who knows, life could be good, I feel like that's really possible for me right now.