Home Sweet Home

I've lived in this house and neighborhood for almost 12 years and just this past week we've started working on moving out of it... I have sentimental ties to this place and house and I don't want to move because of them. In a way, my family really needs this right now, we need to move on and start over, but I hate the fact that the only reason we're moving is because of what happened last summer...I wish it was for another reason. Either way, it's depressing for me to be moving away from my home and at the same time I'm almost excited, however, only for the material reasons. In the new house I will have my own room, my own space, for the first time in my life, I'll have actual privacy and thinking about that is ecstacy.

 

Starting over, no matter the reason, is always hard; uprooting yourself and then planting somewhere else. While I think that my family needs this, I also get this feeling like moving will some how separate us as a family...everyone having to share rooms etc kind of forces us to be together and over the years we've somehow learned how to get along and enjoy each other's company...I guess what I'm trying to say is that  moving into a bigger house in a better neighborhood, "advancing in the economical chain" is going to tear us apart as a family. But who knows, it could work out for the best, this is just my fear talking, change scares me.

Twitterpated

I'm so in love with spring time. It's so beautiful. It inspires me, it makes me feel better; the smells, the colors, the sounds. It doesn't necessarily make me happier, but it definitely lifts my spirit. Even the rain in the spring time, the thunderstorms and the lightning, beautiful. I feel poetic, I feel love, I feel seduced by nature and the simple complexity that makes it so amazing.

It's A Wonderful Life

I can't say whether I've been sad or happy lately, just mainly stressed, you know, bills, taxes, health insurance, educational goals; adult responsibilites that I've never really had to deal with before. However, now that school is almost over and the weather is getting nicer I'm starting to feel high spirited and excited that I can focus on my self for about 4 whole months. I plan to spend a lot of my time outside this summer, I don't want to spend another summer in my house just doing nothing. I plan to be active and focus on getting in shape, changing my lifestyle. I've set certain goals for myself and I pretty much have my life planned out for the next 3 years. For the first time, in a very long time, I feel content and prepared, it's an unfamiliar feeling to me, and I'm some what struck, as in, I don't know what to do with myself because I'm not panicking about something. I feel calm and focused and motivated, I hope this feeling stays with me, because I generally feel good about myself and the way things are going right now.

 

There was so much bull shit in my life for the past 4 years or so, and it's amazing to me, how much of that bull shit had to do with high school. I feel like I'm using my 'get out of jail free card' right now. I don't have to worry about school, and I mean bull shit school, not real school. College agrees with me, its more of a business oriented thing, you do it for yourself, not because you're being forced. You go to class for an hour, maybe 3 times a week, you do whatever little homework you get, you study for your exam and that's it, no student-teacher relationship, no nothing, just business. I go to work, I do my job, and then the rest is left to me. No other real responsibility, no real career that I have to deal with. I feel like these years are the freeist years of my life, and when they are over, that's when I go back to jail, go back to responsibility, a job, possibly a family and worry and panic and all of those stressful things. But who knows, life could be good, I feel like that's really possible for me right now.

Back When

I was watching The Neverending Story today and its movies like these, movies that you watch when you're a little kid,  and it's just amazing to me how complex this movie really is, but I never realized it because I didn't understand a lot of things when I was younger. I didn't understand death, didn't understand the value of life, didn't understand hardship or struggle or faith. The only thing I really did understand and appreciate was the fantasy part of the movie and it's funny/sad because this time around that's the part of the movie I noticed the least.