Life's Trash Can

I felt like I had a lot on my mind yesterday, a lot to think about, a lot to be sad about...However, I wasn't thinking of one thing, but each second that passed by a different thought would enter my mind...Almost to the point that I wasn't really thinking about anything, but staring at nothing in a sort of daze...I hate it when that happens to me, I feel like I don't have a grip on things, at that moment I am just lost...Eventually I snapped out of it and the sad feeling was gone, I don't even know what I solved or delt with, it was just gone, put away...I have journal entries like that, a lot of them...that I don't post. I write them, and then I throw those feelings away, I dispose of them, I don't ever read or look at them again, and I'm sure if I did, in an instant I'd feel that entry...because I never really dealt with it, I just threw it away. I'm not sure how I learned to do this, or even when I started doing it. It makes me question whether I'm truly happy or if I just make myself that way. When I throw away that feeling, never to go back to it again, each time, am I throwing away a piece of myself? Am I growing any or am I slowly wasting away? Should I even be questioning this happiness I've been feeling lately and consistantly even, is it genuine or did  I create it...Either way, maybe I should just be happy for once and not expect the next horrible thing that happens but accept it when it comes...Do your worst you fucking circle.