Smoke

I'm surrounded by smoke. Smoke that blinds me, smoke that clouds my mind. I'm consumed by other people's addictions, bad habits, and lies. Their waste is decomposing me slowly, swallowing me piece by piece. As I inhale half of each puff of "smoke", I realize that I will suffer for these things I do not do, decisions that other people made. Is it possible for anyone to escape being inadvertently affected by the decisions and choices made by people in their family or people that they love? No matter what I do I might get diagnosed with lung cancer because half the people in my family smoke. I might become an alcoholic, I might become addicted to drugs, and by no fault of my own, I might die because of these things.
 
The "little things" that become you. And by no choice or control of your own, these "little things" become bigger and bigger. You don't realize it until it's too late, it's got you, you are the way that you are and there's no going back. This is a defining moment for all of us. To wake up and realize that you've become the people that surround you. It's natural for a child to copy their parents. However, the observations you make become etched in stone. The gestures, the mannerisms, the expressions. This is when you make an  important decision. Do I continue to be cradled by other people's "smoke", because this shadow that you have become is comforting merely out of it's familiarlarity. Or, do I start over, a clean slate for you to scribble on as you learn from your OWN mistakes, make decisions that affect you and perhaps the people that once affected you. You decide to become your own person, not to let the little things you've picked up along the way dictate solely who you are.
 
I was thinking about this one particular transition in my life because I realized something in definite relation to it. Though I've added experience, action and reaction, the defining details that make me who I am, apart from others...I still cover my mouth when I'm thinking like my mother, I shake my leg when I'm nervous like my father...These "little things" that once scared me into a self discovering period where I felt suffocated and trapped have now become comforting to me and no doubt a part of who I am. I think that you only really know someone when you start to pick up on these little things that actually make them different rather than the same.