Who What Where When Why

Today doesn't feel like today, it feels like yesterday... I'm always one step behind, one point below...I feel like I need to break through something. I've created this shell, this barrier...such a strong barrier that I, the creator, can't even manipulate it. This protective surface that I built to protect me from others became a suffocating shell for me... How am I supposed to accomplish anything without being able to let go of everything that I was afraid of? How am I supposed to become a different person...the choices I made before about what kind of person I wanted to be are destroying me now. I put up these walls, how do I bring them crashing down? How do I change when I hate change? How do I become stronger by becoming, in what use to be in my opinion, weaker? I'd be going up against my very being to save my being? I've lost sight of who I am in the present, I only know the person I was in the past, so who the fuck am I now? A daughter, a girlfriend, a best friend, a sister, have these exterior labels blinded me from who I am right now? Now...what is now? I don't know what I am going to do now. I don't know how I feel now. I don't know who I am now. I think it's impossible to live in the present, everything just happened a second ago, and a second from now, I'll be dead.