The End

I don't feel that I need this blog anymore...There was a time...that I needed to put my feelings out there, to express myself with anyone and everyone...I got a certain high off of it...this need to not feel so lost and isolated...and I didn't feel so alone in my thoughts once I exposed them, a false sense of company even.

 

False, not real and true.

 

I've realized, I have people in my life, people I care about and people who care about me, real people...people right there in my face, asking me 'what's wrong' and 'are you ok' and so, I don't feel so alone and truth is I'm not and I never have been. And I'm slowly working up the courage to express myself to those people instead of an audience of blank faces. I don't need to search for understanding and compassion because I have it in my life...and I think I'm at a point where I need to accept that, maybe I had a sad story, maybe I lived a sad story, maybe I've felt depressed and helpless and lost but these feelings have become less and less frequent and I don't want to revisit them just because I've felt these things for so long that it's become somewhat normal and comforting...

 

So, until another beginning this is the end...

 

No...

 

Until another end...this is my beginning

Life's Trash Can

I felt like I had a lot on my mind yesterday, a lot to think about, a lot to be sad about...However, I wasn't thinking of one thing, but each second that passed by a different thought would enter my mind...Almost to the point that I wasn't really thinking about anything, but staring at nothing in a sort of daze...I hate it when that happens to me, I feel like I don't have a grip on things, at that moment I am just lost...Eventually I snapped out of it and the sad feeling was gone, I don't even know what I solved or delt with, it was just gone, put away...I have journal entries like that, a lot of them...that I don't post. I write them, and then I throw those feelings away, I dispose of them, I don't ever read or look at them again, and I'm sure if I did, in an instant I'd feel that entry...because I never really dealt with it, I just threw it away. I'm not sure how I learned to do this, or even when I started doing it. It makes me question whether I'm truly happy or if I just make myself that way. When I throw away that feeling, never to go back to it again, each time, am I throwing away a piece of myself? Am I growing any or am I slowly wasting away? Should I even be questioning this happiness I've been feeling lately and consistantly even, is it genuine or did  I create it...Either way, maybe I should just be happy for once and not expect the next horrible thing that happens but accept it when it comes...Do your worst you fucking circle.

Rent-Seasons of Love

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes

How do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.

In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In 525,600 minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?
How about love? How about love? How about love?
Measure in love. Seasons of love.

525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan. 525,600 minutes
How can you measure the life of a woman or man?

In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried.

In bridges he burned, or the way that she died.

It’s time now to sing out, tho the story never ends

Let's celebrate, remember a year in the life of friends.

Rememberthe love! Remember the love!
Remember the love! Measure in love.

Seasons of love! Seasons of love.

Get Away

I want to walk but I'm forced to start running...I try to pace myself but quickly become short of breath...I can't seem to catch what I'm constantly forced to chase...Everytime I achieve a steady pace I fall, but I always pick myself off the ground and try to walk, no, can't, gotta run...Sometimes I feel like I'll never catch my breath, I'll never be ahead of myself, I'll never be able to stroll through life, I'll always have to run...whether it be from something or toward something else. And if I ever reach a pace, a balance, I'm sure I'd fuck it up somehow, I'd trip over the next problem and I'd surely fall. Perhaps its just the path I'm running, if I could only just stray off into the bushes and hide there forever, then I'd be ok...